I know that when I see someone who intimidates me in some way - they are impeccably made up or extremely self-confident or wicked smart - I assume they will reject me based on my inability to keep up in whatever I find intimidating. I behave as if I've already been rejected, which, from their perspective, looks like I'm rejecting them. I figured that out some time ago, but the realization doesn't seem to have changed my life very much.
Just now I was - what was I doing? Reading Lostpedia? Catching up on LJ? I don't remember. Anyway, here's what I figured out today: I assume (and perhaps this leaped out at you from that first bit, but it took me a little longer) that people are only interested in people who are like them. Somebody wearing expensive clothes only cares about people who can afford to dress like him. Computer geeks are only interested in other computer geeks. Someone who wears a lot of make-up and always has her hair done looks "past" women who aren't interested in (or don't have the energy for) those things.
Why? Why is that my default? Sure, it's true sometimes, but it's also not true sometimes. I assume that if I'm not like you in some objective way, you will have no interest in me as a person. It just baffles me that my very goal-oriented, driven friends are friends with me, the aimless meanderer. I, myself, have had great love for people of all manners of personal appearance, lifestyle, and ambition - why don't I allow others that same flexibility?
Kevin Aucoin fascinates me - I have no idea why. He was a brilliant self-taught make-up artist and I once told my cousin that the only time I would ever take advantage of her position in the theater/entertainment world (she's in theater management) was if she could somehow get me in his make-up chair. The way he could change faces with make-up was amazing.
I love very stylized, old glamour looks - hair, make-up, and dress. I also love dressing up for Renaissance fairs or like Stevie Nicks - flowing, gauzy, and corseted. Most of you have seen pictures of me and know that I usually present a far different look. I have long, straight hair that hasn't seen a stylist in over a year, my clothes are either wash & wear or left in a pile for years, and most days my make-up (if I take the time to apply it) is mascara and lip gloss. Frankly, I don't have the energy to iron, run to and from the dry-cleaner, or wash my face and re-moisturize every time I go to bed. And I do not have the patience for shoes that hurt, no matter how many times I try to get away with them.
Yet I spend so much effort trying to achieve the "right" look for whatever is the occasion. WHY? What difference does it make? I am still me, whether I've let myself lay in bed until the last possible minute or gotten up early and put on a whole new face. I certainly don't choose my friends based on whatever amount of effort I've put into my own appearance or education or career that day.
Why would I assume that you do?
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