Accommodation

Twice in the past 18 hours or so someone has made my life less convenient because their plans were more important than whatever I might have going on. I don't have a good reason to say no to the things being asked but that doesn't stop me from being annoyed by those doing the inconveniencing.

Let me set the scene.

I belong to a spiritual tradition with lots of formal rituals, one of which is scheduled for Sunday late afternoon/evening. It was made clear to us from the beginning that ritual is not an option; all members of our group are expected to attend unless there are extenuating circumstances.

One of our members has decided that, since she had to work Thursday and Friday and couldn't get a sitter for Saturday but could get one for Sunday, she's going to do the "Valentine's Day" thing with her husband instead of coming to ritual. She will still provide the things she volunteered to as long as I am available to pick them up. (Because she and I live close together and she is literally less than a mile from one of the major routes to our ritual space, I have been asked to ferry her contributions on previous occasions.)

This weekend happens to be a particularly full one for me. I am dog-sitting for a couple who live about 25 minutes away from me, which amounts to house-sitting, as it's easier to let the dog out in the morning if I'm already there. I've also agreed to check in on other friends' cats one day this weekend. I am supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight; my aunt and grandmother tomorrow. I have to prepare my contributions to Sunday's ritual, which means a trip to the grocery store among other things. I'd like to spend some time with my own pet, who is admittedly not as needy as a dog (except in his own opinion).

I also, now, have to come to work this weekend. This is a thing that never happens. This is an extremely unusual event and the amount of time I'll have to be here is less than the time it takes me to walk from my parking space to my desk. However, it does have to be done at least once this weekend; possibly twice. The other person on my team who could have performed this task has plans to be away at a B&B this weekend, coincidentally near where I'll be on Sunday. She declared that she would. not. be. available. to. come. in. The end.

There is no good reason for me to say "no" in either of these circumstances. Yes, I am unusually busy and yes, there are other things I'd rather be doing. My cousin is getting married in Vegas on Sunday (evening, my time) and they have a web-cam so we can see the ceremony. This was a last minute thing and I would love to watch but, alas, I have another commitment. The first race of the NASCAR season is Sunday (afternoon, my time) and even though I hate restrictor plate tracks, it would be fun to join my family who are getting together to watch. As they do every year. Alas, I have another commitment.

Once I get over the irritation at having to mindfully arrange my day to accommodate all these tasks I'd rather not have to think about, it's not that big a deal. Is it too much to ask, however, that the two people making themselves unavailable ask me if it's okay (in the first case) and thank me for making myself available (in the second)? I know it is my responsibility to keep my side of the street clean and other people's behavior is not my business. Most of the time, I know that.

But when things like this happen, I continue to be annoyed at the unavailable person. I react the same way every time - pissed off at the situation, then resigned because I'm unwilling to say "no" just to be contrary, yet somewhat resentful of the person passing on the responsibility. What am I actually pissed off about? That other people are content to make selfish choices regardless of how they affect others? I make plenty of selfish choices but I really try to make those that don't inconvenience someone else, and when someone is inconvenienced I try to recognize that. But other people's choices, again, aren't my business.

I can't figure out where I'm getting stuck here, which makes it hard to better navigate these situations in the future. I think I'm capable of saying "no" when I'd really have to go out of my way to pick up someone else's slack. And I can't make a habit of counting on someone else being available to pick up mine (although, gods bless her, my mother has volunteered to look in on my cat if I'm unable to get home during a day). It's stupid to spend my energy on things I can't control.

Yet here I am, forty minutes later, still typing this.