Monday

Monday night I’m chairing the meeting celebrating my thirteenth year of sobriety. I have no idea what I’m going to say. I feel like I’ve never been as close to the edge of insanity/paralysis/the abyss as I am now. So what do I say? Do I stand up and say “Look, newcomers still trying to detox! Stay clean for 13 years and all this can be yours!”? ‘Cause for real, I’d look at me and think it wasn’t fucking worth it.

I can’t wait to see what’s going to come out of my mouth.

A day late...

…but I think I just had an epiphany. Check me: if my conscious goal is to satisfy/please/make content my Ego (the me-ness of me) but it is the nature of the Ego to never be satisfied/pleased/content, by definition my goal is unattainable.

I need a different goal - or to lose the idea of goal-oriented-ness. But how do I thank my Ego for sharing and send it on its way?