Latest rant: On working

On a board I frequent, we often share annoying, amusing, idiotic, soul-crushing, and hopeful stories about our assorted work lives. In response to someone's post, one member asked the following:

Are we ever going to get over the need to enslave ourselves for an occasional periodic day of leisure?

And yes, we're doing it ourselves. Who else can we blame? Bush? Hitler?

And I'm sure I'll be sorry for wandering into the lion's den here...

I responded thusly:

I'll bite.

I, for one, would love to do something I enjoy all day long, but I can't seem to find someone willing to pay me to do anything I enjoy for long enough to maintain my lifestyle, to which I have become accustomed. I like being able to get out of bed and engage with life, which I find I am unable to do without medication. (Rail against insurance companies, the medical industry, and pharmaceutical solutions all you want; this is my reality.) Being employed provides me the means by which I can reliably obtain the means I need to reach the ends I desire.

You and I have it easy - we've chosen not to reproduce. People with kids don't have nearly the luxurious options we do. Sure, I could scrape by on some occasional temp work if I gave up my cable, cell phone, car, first-hand clothing and furniture, pet, home ownership, etc. I'd feel some responsibility to kids I'd chosen to raise, though, which would probably require me to find some reliable income so I could feed, clothe, and educate them.

There are experiences I'd like to have that money facilitates - seeing other cities and countries is possible without enslavement but again, I've grown fond of avoiding certain level of crime, filth, and discomfort. I like clean sheets, hotel roofs that don't leak, and not having to hide from assorted law enforcement organizations.

Here's the real deal: it may be a personal quirk of mine, but the idea of financial uncertainty makes me anxious. I'm willing to trade some bohemian ideals to enjoy a heart rate that doesn't spiral ever upwards and airways that don't constrict. Perhaps it is a deal with the devil, but the devil has a flattering hair style and throws great parties.

We've all made the deals that enable us to achieve what matters to us. I don't see why making those choices means we shouldn't share our frustrations with the results thereof.

And, for the record, I ask myself almost daily if my deal is worth it. I'm thinking about teaching and trying to decide if I could live on a teacher's salary. That's "if I could live" and I'm the only one who can answer that.

Home again

My body is back in Maryland, but my mind is still floating in the pool I had to myself yesterday - warmed blue water under a bright, bluer sky with the insistent Florida sun slipping into and out of the occasional cloud...hot pink and light purple azaleas grown twisted along the fence and palm frond beyond...dragonflies and pairs of low-flying blacks birds with greenish blue back feathers when the sun caught them just so...

My cousin Holly is married and so happy; her wedding was a joy. The chuppah blowing over before the ceremony gave us an excuse to include the rest of our cousins - I would have liked to have seen them carrying it out, but was waiting my turn to proceed down the aisle. The officiant was a personal friend of the bride; her readings were heartfelt and her voice caught as she turned and spoke to my cousin, "Holly-bell..."

All of my cousins on that side were there with their wives and children - we had family members from 10 months to 92 years old. It's scary to see how the older kids have changed in the two years since I saw them last and so much fun to watch the little girls who are so tickled with each other. My mother showed off her new figure in clothes more stylish and flattering than anything she's worn for years dancing with her sister, her great nieces, and once even the (mighty cute) brother of the groom. I talked with my hero, Lily (my grandparents oldest friend), and made sure we got at least one cousins-only picture (it is no easy feat to get all six of us together).

And I sobbed at my grandparents' grave as my uncle cried in my aunt's (his ex-wife) embrace. My cousins were right there to hold me up. At the end, I finally gave in and hugged my older cousin who had been speaking to me all weekend as if nothing had happened.

I hope other people took good pictures and will share them because I tried to just let myself be in the moment. I did take this one to send to Biz while he worked.



(There are a few more at Flickr.)

Not a bad day's work.

Striated pink petunias
Originally uploaded by talix18

I didn't intend to plant 16 petunias today...

(See more at my Flickr page.)