Anger Management

I'm upgrading the firmware in several hundred modems ONE. AT. A. TIME. (and wishing I had some leet programming sk1llz) and surfing the 'nets when I realize that I am angry. Likely to snap at someone without provocation, stomping around snarly-faced, jaw-locked angry. As I've learned to do since working steps and trying to recover from the assy self-centeredness that is tangled up with addiction, I review my last several hours. Was I pissy this morning? Not particularly. Have I been given a new assignment or new deadline (both of which create anxiety that I tend to channel into pissiness)? No. Is anything stressful on the horizon? Nothing unusual: dance lesson (dancing with strangers is inherently stressful to me and I said last week I'd stya for the social dance later in the evening but I forgot about...) and new Lost (that!!!! and am afraid I'll look stupid begging off for TV) tonight, free evening tomorrow, Candlemas Saturday (and ritual always annoys me until I'm finished prepping and actually there), and Super Bowl party Sunday; busy, yes, but not unmanageably so. The only thing I can think of is the annoying phone call I received earlier about having to go downstairs and pick up my new work badge.

Really? I'm that disturbed by that? Yes, she was weirdly unprofessional on the phone: mispronouncing my name isn't that unusual but I assume you're someone I don't know if you do so; trying to get information from me without introducing herself got my defenses up. I think the bottom line, though, is that we had to have new pictures taken, and I have to give up my current super-model-looking ID. Seriously - I look tan and young with perfect make-up and a strong chin. It's a great picture. And I've been meaning to scan it, knowing these new badges were coming. She asked if I could come down this afternoon and I lied right to her face (ear) and asked if I could come tomorrow. Giving me tonight to scan it, finally. Because I am so completely wack at almost every available opportunity.

It's exhausting in my crazy brain, I tell you. I'm considering blowing off dancing (even though it will be my first physical exercise of the week) just to avoid more stress. Ah, but I can't, because I'm hoping to retrieve the white sweat jacket I left there last week about which I left TWO voice-mails (and almost one email) - because I fear an imminent white sweat jacket shortage? Exhausting. And crazy. They say knowing is half the battle. I'm not sure I'm up to the other half.

This blog under construction

No, really. If you're interested in a more stream-of-consciousness flow, visit Tumbling the Tree.

What did I read last year?

Perhaps this will encourage me to finish some of the books I start.

Finished:
The Bhagavad Gita
Yoga for Dummies
The Zen of Recovery, Mel Ash
Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen (audio/print)
The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell
Kushiel's Scion, Jacqueline Carey
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll
The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge, Carlos Casteneda
The Chesapeake Book of the Dead, Helen Chappell
The Holy Terrors, Jean Cocteau
A Scanner Darkly, Philip K. Dick (audio)
Foucault's Pendulum, Umberto Eco (this is a bit of a cheat; I started it in '06)
Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert (audio)
Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia, Elizabeth Gilbert
One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps, Kevin Griffin
Way of the Cat: Nap, Do Nothing and Stretch Your Way to a Blissful Life, Diana Kramer-Rolls
A Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin
A Clash of Kings, George R. R. Martin
A Storm of Swords, George R. R. Martin
The Zen Path Through Depression, Philip Martin
The Rede of the Wiccae: Adriana Porter, Gwen Thompson, and the Birth of a Tradition of Witchcraft, Robert Mathiesen
David: Five Hundred Years, Antonio Paolucci
The Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett
The Light Fantastic, Terry Pratchett
Mort, Terry Pratchett
Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
Equal Rites, Terry Pratchett
Wyrd Sisters, Terry Pratchett
Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett
The Crystal Cave, Mary Stewart
The Hollow Hills, Mary Stewart
The Last Enchantment, Mary Stewart
The Harder They Fall : Celebrities Tell Their Real-Life Stories of Addiction and Recovery, Gary Stromberg
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, Lynne Truss
Ya-Yas in Bloom, Rebecca Wells

6/1 - I'm seeing a pattern in the books I manage to finish...



Started:

The Witching Way of the Hollow Hill, Robin Artisson
Immortal Remains, Stephen Braude
The Gold Leaf Lady and Other Parapsychological Investigations, Stephen Braude
Pronoia is the Antidote to Paranoia, Rob Brezsny
Never Tear Us Apart, Quinn Brockton
The Winter Solstice: The Sacred Traditions of Christmas, John Matthews
The Portable Dorothy Parker, edited by Marion Meade
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Shunryu Suzuki
The Spiritual Universe, Fred Alan Wolf

8/8 - Perhaps if I finished a book or two before I started a new one...

1/2/2008: Okay - not quite 50, and the majority I finished aren't the heaviest literary lifting. This year: more information along with the entertainment. Right after I finish A Feast for Crows. ; )