Not a bad day's work.

Striated pink petunias
Originally uploaded by talix18

I didn't intend to plant 16 petunias today...

(See more at my Flickr page.)

On taking an Internet break

It's interesting to go from being online all day, every work day to five straight days without. I have a computer at home and tell myself that I tend to stay off of it for more than a few minutes at a time because A) I'm on it all day at work and B) I can't see the TV from the computer chair but the real truth is C) my cat gives me hell every time I turn it on. Seriously, Bo. Who's got the opposable thumbs?

Opposable thumbs does not = in charge

Anyway, five days without having to fill time surfing. Because when I'm not busy at work, that's basically what I'm doing all day. Oh, the places you'll go when you are trying to kill time on the Internet.

But where did I go when I wasn't? Yahoo was deliberate logging on; I preferred keeping people up-to-date on the medical doings via email instead of having the same conversation twenty times. In the five minutes at a time I ventured onto the web (no, I don't know why I capitalize "Internet" and not "web") I checked for new emails and got caught up on the interesting threads on the bulletin board where I chat with my long-term web-buds.

I tended not to read LJ because I want to give posts more time than I had, but boy did I miss it! I've gotten hooked on 's world, Shayara and missed her twice weekly reminders to check for new context. I'm crazy for 's incense stories set in Kherishdar. And while I have friends who've established presences in two or three different places on the 'Net, some of you I only interact with here and I missed you!

I have to confess I did go to VH-1's site because I can't get there from here; because I love Rich, who writes for their blog; and because I had to watch a dozen or so clips of unseen material to get in the mood for the Rock of Love reunion (judge me all you want).

And I kept up with the AL East standings because despite all rhyme and reason, the Orioles are still ahead of the Yankees.

Things I didn't miss, or seek out in those few minutes online: Gawker, though damn if I don't have a tab open there now. The two or three personal blogs I read that are mostly about fashion or name-dropping or being seen. I like to splurge on high-end things every once in a while (well, they're high-end in terms of what I can afford) and I admire people who are consciously turned out but have no delusions of ever caring about it enough to be one of them.

In short, anything having to do with celebrities (except Bret), people who want to be celebrities (except Heather), or people who care about people who want to be celebrities (except Rich) was off my radar. I looked at my bookmarks today and could easily delete three quarters of them.

But I'm sure I'd only build them back up again in the four months between me and my next planned five-day break.

God and the shovel

So I'm at my home-group Monday night and I admit, I wasn't paying the speaker my completest attention. I had the treasury on my lap and was trying to calculate and count to finish my report in time for the post-meeting group conscience. Once I figured out where the extra $50 came from, I tuned in and heard the speaker talking about her finances. She sat down and figured out her bills and how much she typically makes (I believe she said she waits tables) and discovered that she's about $300 short every month.

Her solution? Just keep going; God will provide. God has always met me at the level of my needs; there's no reason to believe He'll stop now.

Okay. I have no trouble with people who believe that God's in charge. I understand that lots of people believe everything happens for a reason and that it's all part of God's plan - I don't agree with them, but I understand where they're coming from. However, people who think that whatever happens in their lives is God's will? That seems awfully convenient to me.

A few years ago, a mutual friend of V's and mine was pregnant with her third child. With her third "baby daddy". I was so frustrated and ranting, knowing how hard it is to be a single mom (her relationship with the baby's father wasn't the best) and knowing damn well that our friend could have been more careful about this. "Don't you think the baby has a Higher Power that will take care of it?" V asked me. "Are you saying that all those people killed in the tsunami didn't?" I came back. See? I just don't think it's fair to give God the praise for the good stuff that happens without a better explanation for the bad stuff than "He works in mysterious ways".

Anyway, the speaker went on to say something about her brother moving in with his absurd number of cats. He didn't adopt all of them - two of his cats had litters. One of the last things she said was something about not knowing how she was going to afford dog food next month since her dog is pregnant too.

Here is where I have a problem with the whole "God will meet me at the level of my needs" attitude. They know what causes pregnancy in animals, you know, and for the price of a couple of months' worth of dog food, you can take your animals to these special doctors - just for animals! - who will wave a magic scalpel and make it so your pet will reproduce no more. You will never have to wonder where all the new mouths to feed came from.

The first part of the saying is "God will move mountains"; the second part is "but I have to bring the shovel." Bring it, get dirty and sweaty using it, and generally do some of the damn work myself. God will meet me at the level of my needs - guess what. No one needs 15 cats that they can't afford to maintain. As much as I love animals, they're pretty far down the list of things I truly need when my budget is tight. (And no, I'm not someone who thinks it's okay to give up the pets you brought into your new house that you can't afford now that your rate has adjusted, but that's another post.)

Even I say the the Universe gave me my house. I wasn't ready to look for a place of my own; I certainly didn't have a down-payment saved. But when an affordable house became available in a great neighborhood and my friend's mom the realtor told me about it, I could buy it. Because I have a good job and my car was almost paid off and I had stock I could sell to pay back what someone loaned me for the deposit. The Universe knocked on the door and said "Hey! Here's a house." I'm the one that was in the position to walk through it.

I was trying to think of a way to raise the topic of personal accountability once she'd finished sharing, but checked my motives and kept my mouth shut. That's why I have a journal, right? To rant, and only look like an ass in front of people I don't have to show my face in front of every week. I know you guys are all over the place in terms of belief. What are your thoughts on accountability? I'm trying to think of a good metaphor, like if life is a river and you're in a boat, is God the captain? The boat dealer? The gas (or wind, if you'd prefer to sail)? The surface tension that keeps you afloat?

Getting on my own nerves

I just got an email from the mom of the dog I took care of over...what was it, President's Day weekend? Whatever. She and her husband (along with some unnamed others) are going to Spain and Italy for 17 days in July and wanted to know if I could help take care of Mel while they are gone.

The jealousy. It burns.

But first I had to wonder who they're going with and if it's people I'm also friends with, then I'm really hatefully jealous, because...why? Am I jealous of their disposable cash? Their vacation time? Certainly, as far as freedom from responsibility goes, I am one of the least-encumbered people I know. But I'm not much of a solo adventurer (says the girl who took herself to Seattle last year, where she rented a car and drove up to Arlington and back) and blah blah feeling-sorry-for-myself-cakes.

A friend stopped by to visit while I was in the middle of typing this and took all the wind out of my sails. Suffice it to say that I REALLY hate when I react with jealousy rather than congratulatory happiness at the good fortunes of others. Dammit, they work hard. Let them enjoy their lives without making it all about you.

In other news, Ambre? Really, Bret? Can't wait to watch the VH-1 extras online.