And so very sorry at the same time.
But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back. A fundamental component of the plan is missing and it isn't going to work.
Friday, October 28, 2011
And that, dear readers, is why I love baseball.
I went to sleep when it was still 7-4 Rangers and I'm excited about what happened last night. Greenie's description made it for me: (paraphrased)"Bottom of the 9th, two on, two out...there were the Rangers, one strike away from a World Series championship, when David "Error in the 4th allowing a run to score" Freese knocks in a triple to tie the game (the Rangers were up by two before that). All the Rangers let go of the railing, deflated, and get ready to play more baseball."
To the 10th, where my favorite player of the series, Josh Hamilton (recovering addict and guy in the wrong place at the most horrible of times who threw a ball in the stands to a kid whose father reached too far over the railing to catch it and died of injuries therefrom) hit a two-run homer to put the Rangers ahead. The Cards get one back, but once more, they are down to their last strike. As the Rangers get ready to rush the field, Berkman bats in the tying run.
Enough excitement for you? There is no clock in this game; no prevent defense; no taking a knee. You have to execute every play to force every out. David Freese, with a walk-off homer in the 11th, bought his team 27 more. There is more baseball tonight, and I don't have to get up for work tomorrow.
To the 10th, where my favorite player of the series, Josh Hamilton (recovering addict and guy in the wrong place at the most horrible of times who threw a ball in the stands to a kid whose father reached too far over the railing to catch it and died of injuries therefrom) hit a two-run homer to put the Rangers ahead. The Cards get one back, but once more, they are down to their last strike. As the Rangers get ready to rush the field, Berkman bats in the tying run.
Enough excitement for you? There is no clock in this game; no prevent defense; no taking a knee. You have to execute every play to force every out. David Freese, with a walk-off homer in the 11th, bought his team 27 more. There is more baseball tonight, and I don't have to get up for work tomorrow.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Just another double entendre in the workplace...
Probably shouldn't post while I can still feel the heat of my embarassment, but it's also part anger, and dammit, I shouldn't have to feel this way in any situation, let alone in a meeting at work.
We have team members in another city, and we have weekly meetings with video enabled so everyone can "be in the same room". Which gives us all the opportunity to see ourselves on TV. Today I was noting how far out my highlights have grown and made the comment that the only person who cared about the top of my head was my boyfriend, who is almost a foot taller than I am.
But a couple of the guys in the room stopped hearing me after "...my boyfriend" because they were laughing hysterically, obviously envisioning a sexual scenario in which my boyfriend would be seeing the top of my head. Their laughter was contagious, and I was horrified.
The thing is, there was a day when I would have had a come-back for that and I wouldn't have cared that we were in a team meeting, or that our boss was there with us. But as I learn more about rape culture and the patriarchy, I'm seeing that "harmless" jokes like that A) aren't appropriate in most situations and B) immediately objectify the woman being joked about.
Or am I just embarassed that I didn't think of a come-back quickly enough to use it - to take the power away from them? We joke around in our team meetings all the time. Is it just because I have a sexual assault involving fellatio in my past, or is it the bigger issue of sexual jokes at the expense of a woman? And would it be okay if I wasn't embarassed by it? Is it okay for our sexuality to be hinted at at work? In the company of only certain people? I don't consider sex "dirty" and am comfortable with the fact that I live in an animal body, but does that mean it's always okay to make jokes about it?
We have team members in another city, and we have weekly meetings with video enabled so everyone can "be in the same room". Which gives us all the opportunity to see ourselves on TV. Today I was noting how far out my highlights have grown and made the comment that the only person who cared about the top of my head was my boyfriend, who is almost a foot taller than I am.
But a couple of the guys in the room stopped hearing me after "...my boyfriend" because they were laughing hysterically, obviously envisioning a sexual scenario in which my boyfriend would be seeing the top of my head. Their laughter was contagious, and I was horrified.
The thing is, there was a day when I would have had a come-back for that and I wouldn't have cared that we were in a team meeting, or that our boss was there with us. But as I learn more about rape culture and the patriarchy, I'm seeing that "harmless" jokes like that A) aren't appropriate in most situations and B) immediately objectify the woman being joked about.
Or am I just embarassed that I didn't think of a come-back quickly enough to use it - to take the power away from them? We joke around in our team meetings all the time. Is it just because I have a sexual assault involving fellatio in my past, or is it the bigger issue of sexual jokes at the expense of a woman? And would it be okay if I wasn't embarassed by it? Is it okay for our sexuality to be hinted at at work? In the company of only certain people? I don't consider sex "dirty" and am comfortable with the fact that I live in an animal body, but does that mean it's always okay to make jokes about it?
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Child abuse/neglect in the US
Over the past 10 years, more than 20,000 American children are believed to have been killed in their own homes by family members. That is nearly four times the number of US soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Every five hours, a child dies from abuse or neglect in the US.
...
I can't find words to follow those statistics. I had no idea it was that bad.
I love reading US news in other countries' media. This article is from the BBC; it asks some tough questions about how children are likely to fare being related to the state in which they're born. Texas and Vermont are contrasted - Texas is a low tax, low service state; Vermont is high tax/high service. According to the BBC, children in Texas are"... four times more likely to be incarcerated, and nearly twice as likely to die from abuse and neglect" as children in Vermont.
Of course, it's impossible to tease apart all of the factors at play in determining the likely fate of each American child. However, this article notes that, unlike the US, "...other rich nations have social policies that provide child care, universal health insurance, pre-school, parental leave and visiting nurses to virtually all in need."
At this point, I'd love to be able to present statistics on abortion rights in each state and proclaim that Texas is only interested in children before they are born. But it's not that simple. A summary of abortion regulations by state shows Texas to have less restrictive policies than most. I could try to use the Republican control of the Texas legislature as proof that the state's ultimate goal is to outlaw abortion altogether.
But, honestly? Who benefits from pointing fingers and assigning blame? Not the kids who are living with the abuse and neglect. The fact remains that we, as a nation, are failing our children, and at an alarming rate. When will we divert the funds necessary to fight that war?
Every five hours, a child dies from abuse or neglect in the US.
...
I can't find words to follow those statistics. I had no idea it was that bad.
I love reading US news in other countries' media. This article is from the BBC; it asks some tough questions about how children are likely to fare being related to the state in which they're born. Texas and Vermont are contrasted - Texas is a low tax, low service state; Vermont is high tax/high service. According to the BBC, children in Texas are"... four times more likely to be incarcerated, and nearly twice as likely to die from abuse and neglect" as children in Vermont.
Of course, it's impossible to tease apart all of the factors at play in determining the likely fate of each American child. However, this article notes that, unlike the US, "...other rich nations have social policies that provide child care, universal health insurance, pre-school, parental leave and visiting nurses to virtually all in need."
At this point, I'd love to be able to present statistics on abortion rights in each state and proclaim that Texas is only interested in children before they are born. But it's not that simple. A summary of abortion regulations by state shows Texas to have less restrictive policies than most. I could try to use the Republican control of the Texas legislature as proof that the state's ultimate goal is to outlaw abortion altogether.
But, honestly? Who benefits from pointing fingers and assigning blame? Not the kids who are living with the abuse and neglect. The fact remains that we, as a nation, are failing our children, and at an alarming rate. When will we divert the funds necessary to fight that war?
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